The call I never wanted

I have been a medic for 9 yrs now and you would think nothing could phase me but this call did. It was late we were at Waffle house eating ( love the food and 24 hr service ) A call comes over the radio and it is to a very well known home, but not for drugs or stupid stuff but instead for a 12 yr old little boy with leukemia. His mom had called because he was in horrible pain ( this kid is amazing has the highest threshold for pain of anyone I know ) and struggling to catch his breath. I knew it was going to be a bad call as this is his third relapse. We get there and this sweet little guy in his pj pants and under a blanket while watching his fav T.V show house. ( I asked him once why that show and he said to me " Dr. house can fix anyone so maybe there is a doctor who could fix me? ) Tears were in my eyes the day he said that. I go up to him and ask him whats going on and how can I help? he looked at me in the eyes and said it hurts so bad and I just don't feel right. So I get vitals and he is really bad off his pulse was 192 from dehydration and his blood pressure was 80/55 and breathing was 33 so I pack him up and had to start a line since he has a port and we can't access it. I push the pain meds and get some fluid going and off we go with mom following us. he looks me in the eye and said the one thing I didn't want to hear " I am ready to die " I paused for a moment to try and keep my self dry eyed he said he didn't want to tell his mom that he couldn't go because no one would be there for his mom. I was so amazed at this young man he is looking at death tired of the pain and treatments and where his life is right now but none of that worried him like his mom's feelings and care. You could just see it in him he was so weak and pale and small and just all out ready to get rid of this cancer. I said the one thing I knew to say and that was your mom is going to weep when you go and she is going to pray for you and miss you but most of all she is going to be so relieved that you are no longer in pain and that you will be healthy again and that is what is going to get her through. and your job will be to keep an eye on her from up above. This was his third relapse and he so deserved freedom from that cancer. ( I had the same leukemia he did when I was 14 but it was caught early and I was cleared of it after 3 yrs. ) He was so strong and he wanted to be that way for his mom he would not cry in front of her nor complain. We got him to the hospital with his fav quilt his mom made and his gameboy or whatever those new things are and we took him in to the children's hospital where he is known and his fav nurse was working ( thank goodness ) Today I found out he passed on due to infection raiding his body. I cried for his mom as she is at a loss I will go see her today after class is over and for him to be pain free and able to run and play like a normal kid. I know in medicine we are taught to not let things get to us but this little guy was amazing and I've known him since before I left GA and weird enough I took him for his last ambulance ride. Please keep the mom in your prayers I will not post names but just know that she needs them right now.